Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
