I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
