The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
