It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
