Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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