actually, I'm a sock model
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
