theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
