I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I deserve this hangover.
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