If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
