I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
