Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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