so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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