My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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