I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Damn victory sex feels great
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
