not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
