You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize