I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
