Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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