bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
