we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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