the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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