I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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