it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
