That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
