i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
