I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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