I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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