I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The power of my boobs compel you
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
that may or may not have been my penis.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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