Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
