In the future we'll all be gay
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
