Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
