Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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