dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
