Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize