that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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