So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
