where does the pee come out of this thing
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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