tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
