There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
