i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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