I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Randomize
