I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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