So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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