i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize