im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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