we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
