Quick, to the slutcave!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sorry about my life...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
