Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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