Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Randomize
