I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Come on in and take your pants off
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