A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
