Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
