You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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