So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize