I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize
