I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
