Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
As shirtless as possible
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize