I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
