do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
