Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
